Being Jewish and Wanting Christmas

Technically, I'm Jewish.

It's sort of my "by-default" religion, even though I love being Jewish. Some aspects of Judaism just resonate with me, like the emphasis on personal spirituality. I love some of the cultural norms that come along with being Jewish, like the fact that it takes my grandparents an hour to leave after having breakfast with my family. I love bringing my friends to Passover, not so they can experience a Jewish holiday, but just because it's a fantastic time. I love that, when I bring my best friend to my grandmother's house, she asks if we want anything to eat eighteen times.

I'm Jewish, meaning I was Bat Mitzvah-ed, meaning I was born into a Jewish family, meaning I celebrate Jewish holidays. All that aside, I don't consider myself a Jew.

Nor do I completely identify with Christianity, Hinduism, Buddhism, or any other major (or minor) religion.

But one thing I've always wanted, but never had, was Christmas.

Over the years, Hanukkah stopped being the eight days of presents, and became six, then five, then two, then one day of presents. We stopped lighting the menorah every night. We stopped having Hanukkah dinner with the family.

And all I wanted was to have a Christmas tree in the corner of the living room. I wanted to be able to rush downstairs Christmas morning and see a pile of presents. I wanted to have the white Christmas with stockings and gingerbread cookies and decorating the tree.

I've always wanted that so badly, but never got it.

It has nothing to do with religion. I just wanted to be part of that holiday spirit that everyone else seemed to be a part of, but I never felt.

Loves,

Danya

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Gift Experiment

And, we're back.

So, in the midst of focusing on my future (college applications, trip applications, driver's license, etc.), I'm experimenting with something completely different. I'm participating in the 29 Gifts in 29 Days phenomenon, in which I (obviously) give twenty-nine gifts in twenty-nine days.

Today is my second day, and, so far, it's had some interesting results. I feel more accomplished, more compassionate, and more ready to tackle my own issues, like applications and driving tests.

My gift for today is donating to the Office of Letters and Light, which is bringing together writers from all over the world to participate in National Novel Writing Month. NaNoWriMo is a challenge in which participants spend November writing a 50,000-word book in 30 days. The Office of Letters and Light also will use my donation to continue to put on free creative writing programs for kids and adults around the world, to help the NaNoWriMo Young Writer Program Classrooms, and to continue the YWP AlphaSmart Loaner Program.

I have started a fundraiser for the Office of Letters and Light (click on the icon on the left side of your screen), and I would love it if you would donate. I donated $50, so we're already 20% of the way to my goal, but I would love to hit 100%.

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Working At Starbucks, Part One

I'm sorry I've been a terrible blogger for the past two weeks, but life is/was getting in the way. My new job as a barista at Starbucks has been taking up a huge chunk out of my schedule. It's also the subject of this post--

One of the thing's I'm learning while working at Starbucks is the idea of consistency. People like to know that, even if the rest of their life is chaotic, when they walk into Starbucks, they can order a grande triple vanilla soy latte and know exactly what it is that they're ordering and know that they'll enjoy it. People like that all the Starbucks venues basically look the same; they like that all the coffee's the same kind and that each drink follows a recipe. People like that the Starbucks employees are interchangeable.

To ensure this consistency, making drinks is calculated, measured, and timed. I know that grande triple vanilla soy latte will get exactly four pumps of vanilla syrup, then three shots, then soy milk steamed on AUTO up to the top. I know that I start pulling the shots as soon as I aerate the milk to make sure that they will be done just after the milk is steamed. I know that only cups of coffee and hot americanos get cup sleeves. I know that only frappucinos with chocolate chips get the chocolate sauce drizzle on the whipped cream. Anything beyond that needs to be written on the cup.

What I'm trying to say is that people like Starbucks, not only for the good coffee, but also for the power. They can customize drinks as much as they want, tweaking and specifying, until every box on the cup is filled. And you can tell what kind of person a customer is by their drink order: the guy who orders a dopio espresso is very different from the woman who orders a venti quad no foam skinny caramel latte who's very different from the guy who orders a cup of coffee. But no matter how different the people are, or the drinks are, all of those customers know exactly what they're going to get and how it's going to be made and how it's going to taste.

Sorry to ramble on about that . . . Anyways, I really like working at Starbucks, though I am becoming quite a Starbucks snob. Now I can't just get a venti sweetened, black ice-tea; I have to get a venti, no-water, eight-pump classic, half-green, half-black ice-tea. Yum . . .

Loves,
Danya.

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Priorities Versus Time

I wonder if I'm somehow missing the point of unschooling.

Maybe I just always thought of it as this magical solution that would automatically make me productive and brilliant, exchanging books for TV and constantly having epiphanies. But it's not like that for me. I'm doing the same thing I would do every other summer vacation: spending my time messing around on the internet, writing, watching cartoons, occasionally reading Roald Dahl, sketching, working, generally being unproductive or otherwise "mindless".

Is there something I'm not getting? Am I doing this whole unschooling thing completely wrong?

I have faith that eventually I'll get to the point where being mindless is boring and being productive will be the next best option, but, for now, I feel like I'm not doing it right. I feel like it's so much easier to do "mindless" things that still bring me satisfaction in the moment, than to put in effort.

Maybe I'm just looking for an easy way out when there isn't one. Maybe I will constantly need to remind myself of what I want to do and what's important to me; that's the way life is (or, at least, that's what people tell me that's the way life is), so why should this be any different, right?

My question for you: Do you find yourself constantly filling up your time with unimportant things, instead of things that would be "productive"? If so, what would you rather be doing with your time (i.e., what would be "productive" for you)?

Loves,
Danya

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Creating Our Realities

It was an ordeal to get to the ten post mark, but here it goes . . .

I think people create their own realities. People can force themselves into thinking one way or another and be completely convinced that their perception is the truth.

This is often proved when I think back on decisions that I've made; I don't understand the logic behind my decisions, whether physical actions or perception-based, but, at the time, they were natural for me to make. My perspective was unquestionably accurate. But now that I have distance from that mindset, I want to kick myself for making them.

So, this means that we build our reality. We can convince ourselves that the way we perceive things is correct, even if later we realize it wasn't.

For instance, when my brother consistently uses drugs, he becomes a completely different person who I do not identify with, nor feel is my brother. When in wilderness (i.e., rehab), he wrote us letters and, with each letter we received, it seemed that he was improving and returning to his old self. Even though I was hesitant to let him back in my life, my entire family was convinced that he was getting better, that everything would be fine, we could all stop worrying. By seeing this progress, we believed that he was returning to who he was.

But this reality was shattered by his decision to quit wilderness and start using again (i.e., he really had made no progress).

And it scared the shit out of me that something like that could happen. Even when I was so convinced that something was true and that my perception was accurate, my reality could be destroyed.

It's frightening.

It's like the Matrix.

Think about it.

Loves,
Danya

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The Talk and Other Things

Disclaimer: I'm sort of freaking out, because I just submitted a short story to Glimmer Train and I'm all crazy now.

BLARG!

Anyways, onto the post:

Idzie at I'm Unschooled. Yes, I Can Write. did a post about sex and drugs from the eyes of an unschooler. Though I'm not a true unschooler, I thought I would join in the fun.

My parents and I never really had The Talk about sex. I was introduced to sex when I was a kid simply because I asked and my parents told me the truth. They bought me a book about sex for little kids and I learned about it. There were never lies about the stork or any euphemisms about "putting a seed inside Mommy and it growing into a baby."

When I was a preteen, my mom had more detailed discussions with me about sex and puberty. She bought me books and I learned about menstruation. It was always a very frank, open learning process for me. I never felt (and don't feel) weird about talking to my parents about sex. My parents never restricted my sexuality; the only things they asked of me were to 1. always use a condom and 2. wait until I was ready. This open communication between my parents and me about sex has resulted into what I think is a very healthy view of sex and sexuality.

However, learning sex ed in school was a terrible experience. It made sex, which was a topic that I could discuss with my parents very openly, into something that was embarrassing, even shameful. Yes, we learned about STDs, but since my parents have always made it clear to only have safe sex, knowing the medical symptoms of herpes and Chlamydia didn't really help with my sex education. I dreaded going to Health class because of the way they taught sex ed.

Sexuality (i.e. sexual preference) was also a very open topic between me and my parents. My parents always told me they would love me no matter if I was gay, straight, or somewhere in between. (Turns out I chose the third option.) This has allowed me to be a more tolerant person, which is so much healthier than the alternative.

The topic of drugs is a touchy one for me. Up until two years ago, my family has been very open with drugs. The only time I've smoked pot was with my two brothers and my dad. In reality, my family (including my extended family on my dad's side) is stoner dominated.

My parents and I never really discussed drugs, simply because I never asked. This was the result of an anti-drug campaign that ran in my school in the sixth grade. It made it clear that everyone who does drugs will end up dead, arrested, or working at Wendy's for the rest of their lives, regardless of the drug. I was so brainwashed by the claims that I decided I would never do drugs. It wasn't a question for me.

However, I grew up and I learned about the reality of drugs through my brothers' and dad's drug use. My dad smoked pot (until recently), but is a successful businessman with a family and stable life. My eldest brother has used (or experimented with) about every drug imaginable and is an artist/DJ with a wife and a kid, living the life he wants. Unfortunately, my other brother was an addict. He went into wilderness for three months, only to come back out and start using again.

After watching my brother basically destroy his life in less than a year, I decided drugs aren't a priority for me. But seeing my eldest brother and dad maintain healthy, successful lives, I know that most drugs aren't as bad and life-ruining as the anti-drug people say. I have a somewhat warped perspective on drugs because of my experience with my brother, but it's healthier than what it was when I was a kid.

Just a quick note on alcohol before I end this post: I never have and never will drink. Basically everyone in my family (including extended) are or were alcoholics. It probably isn't healthy for me to see alcohol like this, but I am descended from a long line of addicts and don't want to push my luck.

Sorry for the long post, but I feel that most of these points are important.

What are your feelings about sex, drugs, and alcohol?

Loves,
Danya

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"Shouting Fire" and the First Amendment

I watched the HBO documentary SHOUTING FIRE: Stories From the Edge of Free Speech today with my parents. It's about the First Amendment and balancing civil liberties and national security.

It was brilliantly done, but I found how much of a hypocrite I am. I am frustrated by people who censor my own point of view, but then I want to censor those whose opinions I find offensive or wrong. For instance, SHOUTING FIRE addressed the story of a high schooler who, when his school was having a day of silence to protest the ban on gay marriages, wore a shirt stating, "Be ashamed. Our school has embraced what God has condemned." on the front and a quote from the Bible, "Homosexuality is shameful", on the back, then was suspended for wearing an offensive shirt.

Instinctively, I thought, "That fucker deserved it".

But, according to the First Amendment, he has every right to say that, just as I have every right to say what I believe.

It's the same reason that 22,000 Nazi-supporters were allowed to attend an American Bund rally in Madison Square Garden in 1939.

It's the same reason that Ward Churchill (a former professor at CU) could write that essay that stated that American foreign policies provoked the 9/11 attacks. (side note: after tons of pressure from the media, CU fired Churchill.)

The First Amendment is truly brilliant. So was SHOUTING FIRE.

Loves,
Danya

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